Rupi Kaur and Instagramming McDonald's

No one takes a picture of their 2,000 calorie cheeseburger

and fries from McDonalds and puts it on Instagram.

 

I watched a video today of a poet who is receiving world wide recognition for a rather shocking photo series on menstrual blood that she did recently with her sister. Her name is Rupi Kaur and she writes about the things that most people don't want to talk about. At first she seemed a little bit... much.. but as she spoke, her honesty sparked something inside of me.

 

Rupi explained that sometimes, before she shares a poem or photo online, that she shows and talks to her sister or friends about it, wondering if it's too much or if it would be appropriate. Often, her sister tells her that if she's afraid to post it, she should definitely post it. That making people uncomfortable is ok. This concept was tremendous for me.

 

Many of you are close friends and family, or nosy. It doesn't matter which category you fall under, I post it online. You're welcome here :)

I was speaking to my friend online last year after a few rather transparent blog posts, and she said, "People just aren't used to this level of honesty... they don't know what to do with it." I felt guilty at the time. Now, I'm beginning to feel as if I should have owned my reality a bit more.

 

Most of us don't wear the negativity in our lives like a t-shirt.

The girls that post all of their drama on Facebook typically are labeled as attentions seekers,

 wherein people ignore them. This cycle is rather counter productive in my opinion...

 

If you were honest about your reality, what would your Facebook/T-shirt say?

"I'm exhausted. I haven't slept since my 2 year old was born..."

"I don't understand why he doesn't want me anymore.."

"She never wants sex... she must not care about my needs.."
"My father never sees me."

"My boss doesn't respect me."

 

"This is slavery, not to speak one's thought.."-Euripides

 

Some of you cringe when you think of posting something like this, and sometimes.. you're right.

 

Sharing something personal about your relationship without your partner's consent is unwise.

 

but...Sometimes being transparent about your problems can allow people to speak truth to your fears.

It allows people to reach out.
If people don't know you need help, they can't help you.

 

"Oh honey! I didn't know you haven't been sleeping! Let me come over and watch the baby so you can nap..."
 

"Relationships are difficult but communication would help, have you guys talked about this..?"
 

"Oh, my husband and I had the same problem... I know this great therapist.."

 

Honesty builds trust and relationships.

It relieves some of your burden and allows others to try and help you carry it.

Don't be ashamed of your reality. We're all living our own.

 

"Yawns are not the only infectious things out there besides germs.

Giggles can spread from person to person, so can blushing.

But maybe the most powerful, infectious thing, is the act of speaking the truth."

- Vera Nazarian

 

 

 

Throw A Bunch Of Crap In a Pan and Call It Dinner

I am not a food blogger.

I don't take ridiculously professional photos.

That being said, tonight's blog is a one pan chicken recipe that I make regularly.

 

My husband and I both work full time.

If dinner has too many steps, I'll often opt for Ramen and sandwiches.

Andy's a big man and needs big man dinners, so I often cook meals with dishes in mind that will fill him up. This usually does that.

 

Without further ado, My One-Dish Baked Chicken

 

You will need:

Some chicken.

We like to use drumsticks. The dark meat tends to dry out less quickly and you can get an 8-10 pack for around 3 dollars at Aldi or your local grocery store.

1 can Cream of Chicken Soup.

1 Onion- sliced into rings

1 cup of water

Salt

Pepper

Italian Seasoning

mushrooms or any additional veggies if desired.

First grab a rather large glass, and your large bottle of wine. Drink a large portion of said wine, and set to work.

 

Preheat your oven to 350ish.

 

• Spray a 13x9 pan or a reasonable amount of olive oil in the bottom and turn it around until the pan is coated.
• Correlate the pieces of chicken like :  [PdPd]<= A pan of chicken.
• Evenly distribute the cream of chicken soup across the chicken.
• Fill the can up with water and dump it into the pan. This gets the excess out of the can and simultaneously saves you dishes.

Drink more wine.

 

Layer the onion across the top along with any other veggies you would like to add. We like mushrooms, peppers and zucchini.

Evenly distribute salt, pepper and Italian seasoning across everything.

Place in the oven for about 45 minutes. Pull out, check your chicken, flip and season this side lightly.

 

Drink...er.. more wine or something.

 Place your chicken back in the oven for another 30-45 minutes, or until the chicken is no longer pink inside. If you're faithfully following instructions and the wine is beginning to get to you, have your significant other check your chicken too. Just in case.

We ate ours with a large serving of broccoli but anything green will do.

 



The finished product.

Enjoy!

My Warning Label

Most blogging experts say that in order to become successful within this industry, one's goal is to blog daily, or set a strict schedule so that you don't become lazy or inactive.

I have decided to give this thing a go and see what becomes of it. I've been avoiding this outlet out of fear. I'm not all that good at receiving public criticism, but I've been asked several times why I don't blog anymore. It made me wonder if I should at least try.

Some of the negative posts from last year have been removed, partially out of embarrassment, and partially because when I re-read them they take me to a place of negativity that I really try to stay away from. If you've been diagnosed with depression, you may know how easy it is for one to read a sad blog, have a bad day, fight with your spouse and feel those weird pulls in your stomach start to nag at you.

 I'm not saying that depression is a choice.

 I'm saying. that who one surrounds themselves with is a choice. Your body's natural reaction to immense stress or negativity should never be something to be overwhelmed by, simply aware of.

Ideally, I will be blogging a few times a week. Any constructive criticism is welcome in an email or a Facebook message but cruel, public negativity isn't welcomed here.
It is my goal to be not only entertaining but honest, exploring and shaping my ideas in a public forum. In a way, it holds me accountable.  I can re-read my posts and recognize any changes that need to be made to my perspective or thought patterns.

Please keep in mind that we are each on a journey. We all experience different pitfalls along the way and deal with them in the ways with which we feel we are capable.
All things written here are opinion not fact.
Treat them as such.

Retail Etiquette

These days I can be found floating amidst the aisles of your local office supply retailer. I insure the auto-ordering system has a correct idea of what items we do and do not have in stock. If we don't have an item anymore, I tell our computer system where it went. If the item you're looking for isn't in stock, its ultimately my fault barring warehouse complications.   At Wal-Mart my job was done by multiple departments ie: receiving, claims, inventory, stockers. 30+ people.
Our store is a significantly smaller scale, so.. *flex*...

Our Company is big on customer service and doesn't have an after hours stocking team, so I spend a lot of time on the floor, offering assistance to customers. Until working for my company I had no idea that if I were to go into a store looking for a blue 2in binder, I could be greeted with 4-5 variations of the exact same thing.

Standard
Standard with Label space
Standard with Laminated pocket on the sides
Heavy duty-standard
Heavy duty with pockets
Better Binder- rubber lined binder

With so many choices, many of the folks in our little country city are bewildered and find me, stocking blue Uniball gel rollerball pens with stylus- no these are the one's without the stylus sorry.. damnit now I have to do it all over. Their bewilderment plain on their face, I say with a smile, "Hello! Is there anything I can help you find?"

Some are reasonable and simply reply, "I can't figure out the difference between these..."
Some are perky and make a joke about their age and society moving forward without them.
Some are angry. They've found their item but we're out of stock and want to know why I-personally threw away their cable they decided to purchase at an office supply store instead of Best Buy.
Some blame their confusion on the company. "You people" have changed the store around and now they can't find anything.

A majority of the time, I respond with an empathetic remorse, mirroring their own disdain and expressing my frustration with the circumstances and offer to solve their problem.

Although, occasionally the initial distain and remorse gets old. This customer wants me to FIND them their product. I find it online and explain that the shipping is staying 4-5 business days but the shipping will be free and everything should be dandy.

Everything is not dandy.
The customer then wants to know why on earth anyone would make him wait 4-5 business days. At this point they're interrupting my every remorseful suggestion. He "I ain't... don't wanna" go to Wal-Mart or Best Buy. They want their cord NOW, why won't I make it go faster? Didn't find it at the one store he looked at and now we don't have it either.
I make a light hearted joke now that everyone's out to get him today, huh?
He didn't like that.
My supervisor, who had been present for the entire conversation,  pulled me aside later and said, "Sarah, we need to talk about earlier.."
I apologized and said I knew what I had done wrong and it was unprofessional.
He stopped me mid-sentence and said, "No, Your mistake was assuming that he had a sense of humor."

I think I live that way. I assume that everyone has good vibes. When they're poop heads I'm deeply bothered and must analyze it vocally in detail. Why would someone be so awful? There has to be a reason. Maybe, some folks are just having a bad day.
Maybe some folks are just jerks.
Here's to not being a jerk and trying to spread positive juju.
xoxo
 



About the Happy

Everyone has that family member, or in my case, multiple family members that take your life and compartmentalizes it for comprehension at holiday gatherings. Questions like, "So how is school?" "Are you and Andy planning on getting married?" "How is your relationship with the Lord?"

This holiday season I was pleasantly surprised that most were so busy chasing kids and grandchildren that no one had time to ask me about my life. Well, except my Aunt Akari and to be completely honest, I've been thinking about our conversation ever since.

We were discussing my mother's side of the family and how it tends to choose impractical and often, useless college majors that make little money.

 "You can say that I'm a dreamer... but I'm not the only one..."

It's the plague of our family. Music majors, artists, film majors.. and I wanted to major in anthropology. I've always found linguistic anthropology to be fascinating... but as I mentioned before.. ever so impractical.

My uncle mentioned that he and Akari had read this blog and thought that I was quite talented... except, in the words of Akari "It need to be a little happier... Why is so sad?"

So I decided to write a blog about the happy. Things are really, really good.

I had a birth control implant put in my arm a few months ago and have completely gone off of all anti-depressants. I've been off of them for 6+ months and I'm happy. I'm back on my ADHD meds now and I'm productive. I feel much more balanced this time around. I'm so grateful for the patient services department at my doctors office. She suggested the birth control to have a consistent stream of hormones to balance out the severe hormonal fluctuations. It has worked and I know Andy and I are both really happy.

Andy is really happy at work. His back has been bothering him but that man is such a hard worker. He's a great dad. Spends time with the boys when we can get them and Augie can't wait to see him at night when he gets home. He works late a lot but he has to and honestly, he rarely complains. I'm a very lucky girl to have found such a kind, hard working and patient man.

Augie is speaking a lot more now. Typically using single words to describe what he wants. "Juice.. Eat.. Potty.."  Rather similar to Andy in that way. (HA) Sigh.. men. He's been going to a great sitter who has a bunch of kids his age. LOVES getting up to go over there in the mornings. "Mah Bet!!!(Maribeth)" He's 2 now. Developing an opinion about everything. He get it from his mama. ;)

Haddie started Kindergarten in VA with her dad. She and I talk a few times a week via Facetime. Augie LOVES talking to her. They giggle and laugh the entire time. She's doing so well with her reading. She sees my mom about once a week and my grandmother takes her to church on most Wednesday nights. I really appreciate their involvement. She's happier there. We see her every 2 weeks or so. I miss her but it's best. I'm proud of my baby girl.

Cole's team in baseball won the tournament this summer and his football team won the championship this fall. He loves sports and wants to play basketball this winter :) Can I just say, what a sweet kid? He's not only helpful and patient with Haddie but he plays with Augie. Full of tenacity, and he's hilarious. Cole loved riding the 4-wheeler with Dad and was so much fun this weekend for Thanksgiving. Love him.

Cary is in boy scouts and seems to really enjoy it. I met the leaders recently and they seem to be really kind and accepting people. Cary LOVES video games and declared this weekend that he's going to work with computers when he gets older. He's a lot like Sam sometimes. A weird mix of Sam and Andy. It's endearing.

Thanksgiving was wonderful. The boys loved playing with Leo and Emmie in Statesville. The ride to VA was a bit long but worth it. Mom had built them a "tree-house" and gotten bikes, and a video game system for them to play with. Dad was all over the house playing with them, taking them on four-wheeler rides, going to the river. We had a big party for Augie's second birthday and mom played a trick on the kids by putting dog treats in the pinata. I believe Cary's response was, "Well that's crap..." We had candy waiting inside ;)

Life is good and stable. I'm happier than I've been in a long time.
Thanks for caring everyone. I hope you're well.

Vulnerability

One of my lamest qualities is that I DVR Criminal Minds, a television show about FBI Behavioral Analysts and profilers. They address a lot of psychology and I find it fascinating.

Today they featured a quote by one of my favorite authors of all time, Madeleine L'Engle. 

"When we were children, we used to think that when we we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable."

Vulnerability is everywhere. As adults we have made strides to harden ourselves. Vulnerability comes from genuinely feeling. Children are a prime example. They are sensitive. Their bodies may be tough, but their hearts are breakable. 

My biggest area of vulnerability is trust. I do not trust individuals to genuinely care. I assume that each person has maintained a connection with me based on some level of convenience for them. I like to be needed. It means that people don't leave. My biggest fear is being useless and alone.

It all sounds silly and over dramatic when I put it like that. Putting words to genuine emotion usually does. If you think about it, you can probably tell what your spouse's or parent's areas of vulnerability are. How intensely they react when those buttons are pushed. Negative reactions based on fear of vulnerability. 

Something that we must realize is, we are all vulnerable. It is human nature. Some take medications to treat their fear of vulnerability. Some get in shape so they can fight off their rapist every single day. Some always have the newest cars, the best houses so they can make sure their children never have to suffer with the embarrassment they did. Some look at the world and just feel overwhelmed. "I am only one person," they say to themselves, "How do I protect the ones I love from this pain?" 

The answer? We can't. We can try and fight. Shield. Control. Make smart choices. Beat everyone out of our lives except who we deem as "safe".. but it doesn't work. To live this way is to perpetuate our fears. We keep them in front of us. We make ourselves miserable. Ulcers.. anxiety attacks.. separation from the world... but all of that doesn't work! We still experience pain. We are all still vulnerable. 

"The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it,  or to escape what is bad in it.... but we will escape it only by adding something better to it."

-Wendell Berry

As a mother, many of my decisions have been based on a fear of having my children experience what I have. I scare myself. I don't want them to be broken by me, but that fear does almost as much damage. I have to choose daily to admit my lack of perfection, to admit my vulnerability and to show love and compassion to my children. To help them up when they fall, even though I told them 4 times to NOT JUMP ON MY BED.... I hug them and I kiss their bruises. 

Admitting vulnerability means that you're free to love. 

The opposite of love is fear. 

The opposite of happiness is fear.

The opposite of living is dying.

Don't be afraid. Accept your flaws. 

Do your best to improve upon them, and live just live. 

Life in abundance.

"Momma!"

"Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come more effective action." -Peter Drucker

The house is growing quiet again. 

After a weekend filled with love, laughter, some crying aaaand very possibly some tempter tantrums... it's quiet.  Although I relish my quiet time, having the kids around makes me feel important. More than that though, I'm able to love them so completely. I can make them smile when I make food they enjoy.. or just play soccer outside. When they find a new shirt that I bought... or just to offer warm morning cuddles. Andy turned to me today and said.. "Thanks for caring about our family, Sarah.." and gave me a kiss. I do. I really really do. 

Sometimes I get caught up in myself.

I know. 

I'm making vast strides to change that.

I don't think one is supposed to admit these things in our society. Admitting fault makes a person vulnerable to critique. Even in the church, one can admit some things... but not all things. All of this opaque or faux stability not only hurts the person holding it in, but it also hurts those around them who could find peace.. knowing they're not alone in the world. 

I started this blog as a story about our search for a home. It has become a letter of my heart. I plan on continuing into a sequel. A 2 dvd package. The happily ever after. It's dangerous, this thing I'm doing. Scary. Although I have been working some, I will try my best to accurately tell this tale. I hope you all join me for the ride. I hope each of you know that respectful transparency is something I appreciate whole heartedly. Disrespectful transparency sometimes must be tolerated because sometimes the harsh truth is needed. 

The ability to maintain complete honesty as opposed to idealized reality is the mark of a true friendship.

Well friends, it's time to take Haddie to see her daddy. I hope y'all come visit ;)

xoxo

Sarah