Long Time No Share Lots of Personal Information on the Internet..

The dogs are walked.

Augie is fascinated by his Baby Einstein movie in his bouncy seat.

Haddie is still at her Daddy's house. 

Who knew that having a 4 year old out of daycare could be so exhausting? 

If any mom's want to set up a play date before we leave... I will fall over trying to get there.

Laundry is started and folded.

Dishes are done. 

Hopefully now I can sit down and catch everybody up.

Some information I have learned recently:

*Do not Use Quicken Loans as a mortgage lender

*No matter how much you prepare for something, 

educate yourself and organize your life, home 

purchases have too many variables, they will never

be simple.

*I have an incredibly high tolerance for stress.

No nervous breakdown as of yet.

When we first called Quicken Loans the day we made an offer on our home, Nigel Levy (yes I'm calling him out. I don't like the man much) told us that Andy's alimony would not be counted against him when buying the home because he and his ex-wife had agreed to end it as soon as she moved in with her fiancé (co-habitation=no alimony), which would be 2-3 months. No big deal. 

We made an offer. We paid the earnest money deposit. We asked for a VA inspection as soon as possible because we wanted to know that everything was going to be fine with the home. We got it. We paid $400. The inspection came back great. Three simple fixes... windows had to be scraped and painted, some power washing, and the door to the crawl space had to be replaced...

No more than $1000 worth of work if the seller paid someone to do everything. We are perfectly willing to accept a counter offer for slightly more to compensate for that. The appraisal came back at 58k which means if we purchased the home we would have 8k in equity to make aesthetic changes. 

We got the email back around 9pm, Monday. I cried I was so happy.

Andy put in his two weeks last Friday. He accepted a job in Greensboro making what he's making now but he will be driving 2 hours less per day for his commute. I am so excited to establish something tighter with his boys. Everything was going so good. 

The underwriters for Quicken called us 2 days ago. The home that Andy's name is still on is going into foreclosure and they wanted to know what he had to say about it. He had a divorce decree that relieved him of all responsibility. In that divorce decree, was an alimony statement. They told us that we have to have legal proof of the ending of alimony by closing for them to give us the house. 

I feel.... cheated. We have been nothing but honest about our financial situation with these people. We made life decisions based on their word. We're uprooting our family September 21st and moving in with Andy's parents with Haddie and Augie until we can straighten this whole mess out. 

Two adults+Two elderly adults+Two kids under 5+2 dogs+2 dogs= Oh. MY. God.

His parents are being insanely cool about it. 

We got our U-haul from Colonial Heights,VA for $305 for the initial rental. .40/mile over 261 miles which is what it takes to get from Colonial Heights to High Point. With a 20 foot truck rental, we were given a 10 x15ft storage unit for free. After the first month it will be 100/month which means we will be looking for something to rent in Greensboro as a back up. We found a 3 br town house for more than twice what we would be paying for the mortgage at Denny St. 

I'm heartbroken. 

I'm overwhelmed. 

I'm confused. 

I'm tired. Augie got up at 4 am. 

What on earth do you do when you put all of your eggs in one basket and some douche bag decides to come step on them? Make some french toast and pray they haven't stepped in dog poop recently.

Speaking of dog poop. I promised a blog about Buttercup's health issues and what I've been doing to combat them until we can get her to a vet.. I'll have to do that tomorrow. 

We have a date to talk to the Underwriter from Quicken today. He offered us an FHA loan with more down at closing but we've been budgeting for the VA so we're unsure that we can afford it. Andy is going to make it a three-way call and if he decides to be nice about things, I have plans to give the man a piece of my mind. If Evil Underwriter is unwilling to discuss it, I will file a formal complaint with the company. 

I have a big mouth, but I'm usually all bark and no bite. Not in this case. We have made promises to sellers. To back out because we can't get the financing gives others cause to question our integrity.

 I do not appreciate that in the least. 

I'll keep you posted.

Balance

To buy or to rent? Is that the real question? Or is it a bit more complex than that?

The New York Times created an interactive chart to help those of us who are moderate on the issue. To find out, you plug in the stats for your potential home purchase and it tells you how long you need to live in your purchased home to make it more fiscally efficient than renting.

In our case, for a home around 52k at a personal property tax rate of approximately .67 it is more efficient to purchase as long as we stay in it for 2 years. Obviously the longer you plan on living in the area, the more efficient buying becomes, but this helps you compare if you don't plan on living in the same area for 20 years.

With the purchase of a home comes a lot of stress. Andy and I are currently trying to balance the trepidation that comes with commitment to a 30 year mortgage, the financial responsibilities, planning and research that exists within any home purchase. Life doesn't stop just because you're buying a home.

"If you speak in tongues of angels but have not loved it is only a resounding noise"
Stress has a way of taking over. Fear of not having enough drives us to work long hours and some forgo stable home lives to sustain their ideal standard of living. Whether or not you read the bible, the quote above is tested and proven circumspect. Westernized culture values accomplishment and the chattels that come with it above a steadfast family unit. Daddy can work 80 hrs/week as long as I get to drive my Lexus. This is not to demean hard working fathers who, in order to make ends meet, work long hours, but to say that "needs" are relative.

We know that to purchase a home will be fiscally beneficial for us. We plan to stay in the Triad long term and establish a "homestead" of sorts but as the Beatles say, "She's so heavy...". Some couples need less one-on-one time than Andy and I, but we find it imperative when trying to maintain our busy lifestyle. Due to financial strains, we're having to make sacrifices in that area and this morning I began to wonder, "At what cost?" Everyone needs a break and Andy has already begun showing signs of wear. I react to his anxiety with forms of my own. As a blended family created from the ruins of two divorces, we've made strides to correct where we fell short before, in every aspect of our relationship. In order to create a bit more balance, we've agreed to set a limit on overtime despite financial needs. One day out of the week is sacred.

In my 25 years, I've seen the illusion of the american dream taking its toll on my family, my friends and society. In the 90's and prior to the burst of the housing bubble, the 40 hour work week and making the median income was a sufficient backbone for many people. Families in 2013 have to walk the tightrope created by the economic downturn while balancing personal growth and the development of their children. In my experience, the breadwinner in the family takes this walk the most severely which can result in emotional, physical, mental and for some spiritual fallout. Marriages crash and burn at a rate of 50% in the U.S. and the number of high school students who can read at or above proficient has been declining steadily for years.

I throw these statistics out there to say that not maintaining symmetry in a society that likes to blur the line between needs and excess can effect you and your family long term. Personally, I find it difficult to see where homosexual marriage is the true culprit when it comes to the "destruction of marriage". I would argue that the lack of willingness to part with materialism, and self-fulfillment being placed before the wellness of one's family seems more accurate. Most humans, no matter how grounded, can only take but so much.

Balance is imperative for overall health. I know this post got long,  so I'll stop blabbing now but if you're interested in actively creating more balance in your life, I found a useful "How to" by Wikihow. I think I will be implementing some of these ideas in our lives. The answer to my initial question seems to be, with or without the financial statistics, do what's best for YOUR family. Only you know what that is.