When you're worried and you can't sleep.. just count your blessings instead of sheep..

I haven't blogged because my life is in limbo.
I don't like limbo.
I like definite.
Dependency is beginning to eat at me.

but.... I've got to say. I've got it so good. 

So.. instead of whining about the endless amounts of stress eating at me.. I'm going to count my blessings. I have them in abundance.

1) I had the guts to speak to the Quicken Representative intelligently, and with respect letting him know that I thought he was full of crap... without actually saying that. It got me nowhere. They're not giving us our money but I got it off of my chest.

2) My relationship with my step-kids is improving. I may not be married to their father but they actually seek me out to talk to me. I have not seen a line between Cole and Cary and my own kids for some time now. They're treated no differently, sometimes to their dismay :P
I don't want to be their mother, I just hope that I get to enrich their lives as much as they have mine.

3) I have in-laws who, when told that we were researching rental homes, wanted to know what they had done to offend us and why we would want to move out. I had to let them know that I think they're fantastic. I just need some personal space.

4) Andy called US Bank and is trying to figure something out with the home that is currently going into foreclosure. Although it would be a very large hit to my pride, if they can give us a reasonable mortgage payment to keep the home afloat.. I might just consider living there.

My problem is not just that it was his home with his ex-wife. That's just an unfortunate issue. It's nothing I was looking for in a home. Cost efficient. No. Older home with good structural integrity that we could make our own? No. Close to anything? No. In Winston, Greensboro or High Point? No. It's in Davidson County. The one place I do not want to live.

BUT.. saving Andy's credit is imperative. There is a fantastic elementary school moments from the house.. and if she would allow it-- his ex-wife could keep the boys enrolled at Hasty through the use of our address. It isn't broken down, beaten up or completely gutted. It needs simple improvements. There  is a spacious front and back yard and it's close to some of the friends that I have made recently.

This home specifically is not what I want but if it will establish stability and roots for my children, I will not allow my personal preferences or frustrations deter me from that.

5) My family. Andy and the kids. The dogs. I am so very blessed.

6) Access to a significant amount of employment opportunities within a 10-15 mile radius. If I need to get a job to make this work, I'll just have to get a job and thankfully there are plenty to choose from in the area.

7) My education. College has established a self-esteem in regards to my intelligence that I have never had before. I can see myself getting a masters degree. Success feels attainable. Hope feels good.

8) Haddie's pre-k is more than we could have asked for. They are respectful and attentive. They treat Haddie with the love and respect she deserves while educating her efficiently. She is very excited to leave the house every day and can already count to 10 in Spanish. ha ha.

9) Friends.  A friend and I established a Mom's Playgroup for the Triad. We've got 75 members and it's still growing. We hosted a meet and greet at her home and had around 15 children! Haddie is making friends, Andy has met some people through work and I have found a few very special individuals that I can trust and desire to spend time with regularly.

10) Peace. I know I'm supposed to be here. How it's going to pan out is a mystery but I suppose that's just part of the ride.

xoxo
Sarah

The Fighter.. Dancing Through The Fire

Stop judging me for using a Katy Perry lyric as my title. 

I see that look on your face.

That song is my jam! I even do the running man. 

You're missing out with me being so far away.

We're not getting the house. We've pulled every random idea out of our rear ends and nothing. Notta. Not one single thing worked. 

I received a phone call this evening from John, the sellers realtor. I swear that's one of the nicest men on the planet. He left me a voicemail expressing his condolences and told me that he thought we deserved such a great house. I had held it together pretty well until then.

 I had just gotten back from grocery shopping and right there in the middle of my in-laws kitchen, putting away Gerber Sweet Potatoes, I started bawling. 

Someone told me not to get my hopes up with houses but me? I'm too "smart" to heed warnings. I not only had my hopes tied up in it, I had around $1500. *insert curse words*
If Quicken doesn't compensate us for our losses, I have every intention of taking them to small claims court. 

We uprooted our family, we moved in with our in-laws, and we allowed our kids to dream with us. I think that's the most heartbreaking part. It's also the part that makes me more determined to create real stability for them. 

Haddie started her preschool today and over my dead body is she doing anything else, Monday-Friday from 9-1 except for learning her little heart out and developing relationships. I may be over exaggerating a bit, but you get the picture. That smile is too precious to yank away again.

We lost the house because Andy's ex-wife has stopped making payments on the home that the divorce decree stated she was legally supposed to assume. 

Andy's credit has taken a nosedive and my dream of stability has gone up in flames.

Because she refuses to do so, we have got to take her to court to have her assume the loan and have it removed from Andy's financial history before it forecloses and we're stuck with no house for 7 years. Also, if the boys catch wind of anything that's going on, we would have to explain to them why grownups can't make grownup decisions. It all makes me ill.

In the event that find out, how do you tell your kids that in order to take care of the entire family, you have to make decisions that could negatively effect their mother?

I am...... .. ...
I don't know. For now... 
I think I'll sing some les Miserables...

At the end of the day you're another day older...
And that's all you can say for the life of the poor. 
It's a struggle. It's a war. 
And there's nothing that anyone's giving.
One more day standing about what is it for?

Ok good. I've sufficiently wallowed.
I think it's probably time that I turned that Katy Perry back on.
 No one wants to hear me try to sing "I Dreamed A Dream."
I know we'll figure something out. We're going to make this work and become stronger people because of it... 
'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar...