Hello Friends,
Hello People who aren't my friends,
Hello Random reader who could be my friend,
Let's recap.
No house.
Live with Andy's Parents.
Tubal litigation
Nervous breakdown.
PMDD diagnosis. Who knew?
Treatment.
Stabilization.
Realization that I'm becoming one of those people with a list of diseases.
Plus side? I'm really lucky because there are treatments for all of them and for the last month I have been more stable and happy than I have been in a long time.
Andy has been... amazing. It is as if this situation has turned on some light bulbs for both of us. It's hard not to see it as a blessing. He has developed a determination to be a stable father and husband. He wants us to spend time as a family. We went to Dan Nicholas last weekend with some friends. It was so fantastic. He has also been seeing a therapist twice a month to help to work through that stuff we all have to deal with. Some of us can work it out on our own, and some need a little assistance. Andy was one of the best choices I ever made. I have serious respect for his work ethic and determination. I'll stop I'll stop! Sorry, it's hard not to gush.
We've signed a lease for a rental home! My mom told me that I could make anything look like it was out of an HGTV special (As my darling friend Katie would say, "Ain't she sweeeeeet?") and although I don't think that is entirely accurate, I've decided to give it my best shot. I have painted the kitchen cabinets teal and the walls yellow. My bathroom is orange, my couch is bright red. I'm filling my new home with hope and happy colors. Warmth, comfort and low stress is the goal. This will mean organization... because it's not a huge house.. but there are a few pluses. Specifically the school system. It's in Jamestown which is one of the best areas in Guilford County.
Augie (16 mo) is running around like a crazy kid these days. I have dubbed him the Minister of Silly Walks because he wants to go faster than his short little legs will take him... and tends to waddle. He says, "Hey!", "Daa-deee", "Ma!" and various other grunts. He knows where his belly button is and thinks his nose is his mouth. He likes to destroy things I clean. He likes peanut butter and jelly and if he's ever fussy in the car, I have to play Ellie Goulding and he'll just start dancing. He sings and dances to his own little tune.. "Yeah yeah yeah yeah...."I love that kid.
Every time I talk to Haddie she sounds so happy. She has been staying with my mom and grandmother a few times a week and from what I understand, she is going back to her old daycare for a little while until Kindergarten. She has become incredibly articulate and wants to understand how everything works. I see so much potential in that child. She even wrote her first song with my grandmother the other day. (My little genius)
Cary (7) is in that in between stage.. between little boy and preteen. He still loves to cuddle on the couch and watch movies... but he also loves to play his dad in put put. He gets on the ground and shoots the golf ball like he's shooting pool. He always has an interesting perspective on the world. I hate to correct him on technically inaccurate information sometimes because I love how out of the box he thinks. He loves to draw and he loves music. He is playing baseball this year, which he can't quite decide how he feels about. On one hand, he wants to be just like his big brother and on the other, he hits foul balls that smack him square in the eye.-- No lie.. but he still persevered and continued to hit. I can't wait to see how he develops.
Cole (10... going on 25) is so freaking cool. He's incredibly smart and notices everything. We have so much fun together. The other night, when Cary didn't eat his dinner, just Cole and I went to Coldstone and had a really good time. He tells me stories about his life, the things he loves and the people he loves and I rarely want the car rides to end. He's a sports nut. Andy told him he may want to consider other options just in case something happens and sports as a career don't work out. Cole's eyes may as well have read "Does Not Compute". He's driven, and stubborn and strong. Every once in a while you can see his sweet little boy side and it's like you fall in love all over again.
I'm exhausted but I wanted to write this to say,
"He who has a 'why' to live, can bear almost any 'how'.." Friedrich Nietzsche
Life can stack stone after stone on your back but eventually they erode and peace fills their cracks. You are not alone in this world. That thing that is plaguing your mind, someone else is plagued too. No one has to wear the facade of "got it all together" anymore. Take the things that make you different and embrace them. Welcome them like old friends and refurbish them, making them useful.
All my love
xoxo
Sarah
