Victories and Activism

Bet you thought it was going to be another one about my dog, didn't ya?

Well, that's coming soon and it will include my Petsmart grooming analysis and natural treatments for doggie issues. Until then, I have decided to get a little bit personal. 

I'm writing this post because I believe it is healthy for humans to share their struggles with others. It is important for everyone to know that bad things happen and there is hope.

For those of you who spend time with me frequently, you probably know most of this.

Some may say it isn't relevant, but it has a huge impact on our family, whether the kids know it or not. 

I'm pretty sure folks from my grandparents generation would say that it is improper to discuss your psychological issues with the public. Fortunately I don't see this as an issue, I see it as an accomplishment. 

I have been seeing a therapist for 6 months to treat PTSD due to an incident that happened March 19, 2012. The treatment has been predominantly for nightmares. Today was my last official session and I'm rather proud of myself. 

Since the beginning of my journey with this, I have become rather outspoken about my support for psychological treatment. I am a firm believer that an immense number of people are in need of an educated, objective opinion to aid them in lightening their burdens. Specifically in the United States. Any old opinion will not do. I have gotten a number of those in the last year and a half and not a single one of them helped me. Unconditional and intense love from a small group of individuals kept me from becoming a statistic and Dr. Deaver took it from there. 

Before I get responses like, "Jesus...(insert cliche here)" one must understand that from my point of view, God gave humanity wisdom to be his "hands and feet". Although miracles have been known to happen, the likelihood of Jesus showing up in my bedroom is slim to none. I personally believe that God put Dr. David Deaver in my life at just the right moment. 

With a Masters from John's Hopkins and his Bachelors and Doctorate from Boston University, this guy is one smart cookie. His wife is currently the President of the American Art Therapy Association and is one of the most active researchers in the United States on the topic. 

My treatment went a little something like this:

First an antidepressant was suggested due to some minor post partum depression. He felt that it would be good for me to be motivated to get moving and focus less on my instability. From the beginning, he was asking me to try an ADHD medication for ADHD Inactive (Formerly called ADD). I resisted for quite some time because in my family, this was the overall opinion on the matter:

I was convinced that I did not actually have ADHD, that I simply lacked self discipline. Fortunately, Dr. Deaver made me talk about my education, how I read and my ability to study. Slowly the pieces came together. I agree that ADHD is over diagnosed and can see where the above treatment could be effective a few cases but I don't agree that it is nonexistent. After trying my medication for a few weeks, I began to see that the average person does not think like I do. The average person is capable of reading a book without skipping paragraphs at a time. They can also watch an entire movie without having to get up 6 times. They can tell a story and actually get to the point. I started taking Adderall twice a day and along with the inactivity, it seems to positively effect my anxiety. For a while, I was unable to stop my brain from overloading every few days. This helps me to deal with information and process it as it comes. 

One of the things I appreciate about Dr. Deaver is that in addition to chemically treating the body, he also uses forms of meditation, relaxation therapy and newer treatments I had never heard of. When he suggested that we try EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing,  I could only nod and smile. Since many of you will not click the link, I will give you a short run down. The body processes threatening information generally through periods of rapid eye movement or REM (REM cycle). EMDR simulates REM, enabling the reprocessing of traumatic information. We have been working for about 3 months now and imagery that used to send me into a panic, now has little or no effect on my overall well being.

I can imagine some saying I'm doing this for attention, honestly this blog is just another form of stress relief. I've been considering doing something like this for a while and today, when Dr. Deaver said he felt that I had progressed far enough to stop treatment, I thought maybe sharing all of this was more appropriate. I feel like a weight has been lifted. 

Donald Miller said, "We will never feel loved until we have no pretenses, until we are fully able to be ourselves and until then, we can only feel love in percentages.... So that's the world I'm trying to live in. I act less than before and get a little less applause but feel slightly more loved... Applause is a quick fix. Love is an acquired taste."

I want to feel love in its entirety and I know percentages aren't enough for anyone.

I'm not looking for applause, simply sharing my joyous reality with kind and loving individuals so that they can celebrate with me. 

In the last few months I have become an activist for hope and encouragement.
The overall lack respect for the individual is difficult for me to witness.

The Triad has multiple homeless shelters, food banks, soup kitchens and other places that anyone can share hope or just a smile. I'm looking forward to having opportunities near by to share the unconditional love I received that I didn't deserve.

So someone have a glass of Pepsi for me in celebration. I can't have caffeine (^_^)

Addendum: 

Andy- You are my rock. Your patience, love and understanding have made me what I am today. I love you.

"I Don't Want No Corn.."

                                                       I officially got dog last Thursday.

Augie with Buttercup :)

  She's 5 years old. Her mom is a lab/rot mix and her dad was a hound.

60 pound Hound= Stinky

My parents have had a rabbit beagle(Hound) named Max for 10 years and it has been my mother's personal plight to fight his stink. Knowing this, and having the sensitive nose that I do, I went in search of stink prevention.

I found a few websites that mention not bathing them more than once a week but the main issue mentioned was diet. No wheat no corn no soy.  So I went to Walmart and picked up Rachael Rae's super duper healthy doggie food for 15 bucks. It had a pretty package :)

All of the suggestion sites say to READ THE LABEL. (Click there to read it yourself) I'm glad I did.
It was the same basic ingredients as Beneful, Old Roy, etc. Specifically soy and "Corn Gluten Meal"

After reading a few more labels, I resentfully ventured over to Petsmart to purchase the flea and tick medicine and find us the Filet Minion of dog food.

Before you label me, I say resentfully because I've never been one to purchase Buffalo meat for my pets. I don't believe in giving them only table scraps but I figured the cheap food was good enough. I mean, Andy likes ramen.

After 30 minutes of asking questions, reading labels and weighing prices, I quickly grabbed a bag of this before I could change my mind:

The results have been positive. She still smells like dog... but comparatively, she smells like a better smelling dog. Also, for other hound owners fighting the good fight: we used some Q-tips and cleaned her ears thoroughly, this helped A LOT!

Flea and Tick medication. In the name of all that is holy, that is expensive. I spent $50 on the K-9 Advantage for Large Breed dogs. This is a 4 pack. Our dogs don't usually get ticks but our yard is a veritable flea extravaganza so we decided that this would be satisfactory. I don't know about you but $300 a year is too much to spend on Flea and tick control. I decided to give the dogs the chemical treatment every other month and find a less expensive method to supplement during the extra month. I found this recipe:

8oz. Apple Cider Vinegar
4oz. Warm water
1/2 tbsp Salt
1/2 tbsp Baking Soda

Mix dry first, then wet. Baking soda will react a little. Shake and spray all over animal.

I bought everything on this list for around 5$.
MASSIVE baking soda :2$- Walmart
AC Vinegar: 1.50$- Walmart
Bottle: 1$ -Dollar Tree
Salt: .50$ Walmart



I haven't been able to stand the smell of vinegar since I was pregnant with my daughter. This is one of the main reasons I tend to use the toxic stuff to do things like clean house.. Since the toxic stuff is a lot more than $5 in this case, I had to come up with something.

My sister-in-law is the queen of all things natural. When I have questions, I seek her wisdom. I should probably come bearing gifts so she doesn't get sick of me and my questions, but she's extraordinary sweet. I needed to know where to find something potent enough to mask the smell of Vinegar. Heidi suggested Trader Joe's Tea Tree Oil. This is next on my list of things to try because Walmart just so happened to have Peppermint extract for about 1$ per ounce. I got the larger bottle and doubled the recipe. After adding the entire bottle of peppermint extract, Buttercup smelt like Violet Beauregard on a Wintergreen kick as opposed to rotten pickles.



I sprayed her yesterday and I haven't seen her scratch since. I have yet to subject Millie, our 15 year old Minpin mutt, to such torture. She already hates me enough for bringing a new dog home. I think I will soon though, because today she actually brought herself to snuggle on the couch with Haddie and Buttercup. Well that is, as long as Buttercup knew her place.... at the other end of the couch.

Our soon to be new home has a large fenced in back yard that I'm looking forward to letting the dogs run around in. I hate tying up Buttercup but she's so big she can't just run loose. We take her on long walks every night before bed.

Tonight I am taking her to Petsmart in Harbor View to be groomed before we spend the weekend at Andy's parents house. Click the link for different care packages. I think the prices are very reasonable.

We'll be spending time with the boys and finalizing everything with his new job. So far, moving is still scheduled for the weekend of the 20th. The appraisal has been ordered. Everyone cross their fingers.

Let's Catch You All Up...

(I started this blog the other night, due to obvious reasons, I got tired and went to bed before it's completion..  Finishing it out today)
I'm sitting on my couch with a glass of Jack Daniels and Pepsi on the end table next to me. Before you stage an intervention, this is not a regular occurrence. Obviously, because one glass had me explaining Peter and the Wolf (Sergei Prokofiev version) to Andy while he kindly acknowledged me occasionally glancing over his laptop with a smile.

Alcohol is not the answer to any problem. Unfortunately, after a bubble bath, meditation and some yoga I simply can't get the muscles in my back to relax from how tense they have been over the last few days. I know, it's time to go see a chiropractor but for tonight.. cheers. 

The last few days have been a nightmare. They shouldn't have been. Motivated and incredibly flexible seller, fantastically resourceful realtor, available finances, what could go wrong? 

We'll start with Wednesday. We received our purchase agreement from Maureen via Dotloop that evening. Andy "Eeyore'd" his way through it,  e-signing/initialing at all of the required spots, sans expression or excitement. All of the sudden he exclaimed, "September 19th!!!" The realtor had scheduled the closing for September 19th, a month away. This had us scrambling most of that evening to pull the rest of the needed material together and begin planning our move. After a quick discussion with our Quicken Loans Lender, Nigel,we found out our monthly mortgage payment will be a mere $350 with escrow included at an interest rate of 4.5% and all we would have to bring to the table on the day of closing was $400 (A total closing cost of $1200 that includes the $400 appraisal fee and an Earnest Money Deposit of $500). We went to bed Wednesday night, excited and nervous.

Thursday morning I began Pinteresting. I decided that Antonio Gaudi would be my inspiration. 

Hellooooo Highpoint! Talk about increased appraisal value. I should call This Old House and see what they can do for me.

    On the way home that night, Andy spoke to Nigel who, out of no where asked, "Hey wait, are you guys relocating?" What? Of course we are. Where have you been all this time? Andy, with his fantastic deep voice and North Carolina accent slowly answered, "Yes..."Of course Nigel replied, "Well... that's going to be a problem."The VA requires the homebuyer to provide at least one pay stub from the job they are relocating to, unlike an FHA which simply requires a letter of intent stating the compensation   that has been offered and the date of hire.

How on earth are we going to do that before September 19th? We aren't. We will have to live there for approximately a month before Andy gets a pay stub. So the next 24 hours consisted of Andy and I pulling something out of our rear ends. On Friday afternoon, after a day filled with anxiety, we got the email that the seller has agreed to allow us to rent the home for a month and close in mid-October. Andy will be putting in his two weeks notice after Labor Day and we'll be giving our land lords notice when we turn in rent this month. We should be moving into the house September 20th. *commence lamaze breathing.. now*

My daughter, Haddie (4) was previously enrolled in Surry County's Pre-K program. Now that's going to be changing a bit. Guilford County has already closed their Pre-K registration for a year but they do have a program called Guilford Children that allows me to find a reputable daycare/Pre-K combo for free within the county. Pre-K isn't like Kindergarten, the county has a limited number of spaces and uses assessments to give the places to children they feel are in need of a Kindergarten prep-program. Haddie already knows her ABC's, can write her name and can count rather high. Although I'm not stressed about her ability to assimilate into Kindergarten efficiently, I would like her to have some friends in the area. That's why I decided to enroll her in Guilford Children.

As someone who enjoys consistency and planning, this move may be a bit difficult on Haddie but I'm trying my best to explain it to her. I've been looking for books about moving and Amazon has a pretty decent selection. She has seen pictures of the new house and has expressed excitement about being closer to her step-brothers. I think the biggest thing she's going to miss is her Daddy. We were given a dog recently who has latched herself onto Haddie and I think this will help. She has already shown signs of disciplinary improvement just by having that little friend to take everywhere and love on. I'll write about the dog on another day. Too much to put on here.

We'll be commuting back and forth a few times until the school semester is over, fortunately most of our classes are online.  My grandma was telling me that although she was happy that I was going to be able to experience new places, she thinks that I'm going to miss Surry and realize quickly what I'm missing when I leave. I'll miss that sigh of relief that I exhale every time cross the Surry town limits. Despite it's many flaws, this has always been home but I think it's time for us to establish our own family now. I'm looking forward to disproving the statistics one reads about divorced families by establishing a stable and loving home. I can't wait for Andy to be able to work 40 hours a week and still be able to pay bills on time. I can't wait to wake up at my usual 6-6:30am with Andy still laying beside me. Yeah, I'm going to miss the safety of Surry, but what is safety in comparison to a life filled with stability, substance and vivacity?

You can tell what I wrote today.. and what I wrote Friday night ;) but I suppose it's apparent that the muscles in my back have began to loosen. If anyone feels like helping us pack... You are welcome but don't be surprised if I'm a bit of a nut case. 

So You Want to Get a VA Loan?

When I realized that Andy had applied for a VA loan instead of a regular mortgage I reacted instantly by researching VA standards on HUD. I wanted to make sure our cute (but older) home wasn't going to cause us an immense amount of grief. Also, I spoke to our realtor and asked her to make an addendum to our offer. We would be willing to consider a counter offer including the cost of mandatory repairs within reason. The seller accepted our offer essentially pending VA inspection.

 So what's the deal with a VA Loan?

First you have to be a veteran.

Sorry folks. No military time, no military benefits. 

VA Loans are a favorite of most banks because they are 100% insured by the government. If the home owner doesn't pay, the government will cover the loss. When you call your lender to get pre-qualified for a mortgage, one of the first questions they will ask is, "Are you a veteran?"

VA loans were designed to allow veterans or their spouses (if not remarried) access to home ownership with or without a down payment and in most cases, where private financing was not available. For example, traditional Fannie Mae loans allow the home owner to purchase a home where the monthly payment would be approximately 28% of the gross monthly income whereas these loans allow 41%. Also VA financing often offers lower interest rates and other benefits such as $6000 for energy efficient improvement.

These loans have standards. Regular mortgages are granted based on overall appraisal value but the home purchased via the VA must meet certain standards not only to protect the VA's investment but also to protect veterans. Honesty is undervalued in real estate. 

After choosing a home, being approved for a mortgage and making an accepted offer, the homeowner must pay approximately $400 for an appraisal by a certified VA Inspector.   

If you're wanting to purchase a home using VA financing, making sure that it meets their standards can make or break your purchase. You may end up losing your dream home because the seller isn't interested in fixing the problems. Always have a back up plan. 

So what are they looking for? This is my HUD VA Appraisal Overview.. paraphrased:

Zoning: Residential only. When searching for a home, some offices will be on websites such as realtor.com. These are not zoned residential. Many time this will be stated on the overview but you must make sure before proceeding with VA financing.

Access: Must have safe and private access to the home. Driveway etc. 

Adequate Space: The home has to have enough space and a REAL kitchen, bathroom, living and sleeping space. This sounds silly but... I think I feel a story coming on..... 

A few years ago, prior to my having children, some friends and I decided to move into the back of a store front and start our own non-profit Internet Cafe in our town to be actively involved in meeting local needs. It was called The Center. We lived in storage rooms and created a make-shift home in order to see our dreams be established. We shared our bathrooms with the public. We took showers at our church. We lived our lives on a stage with a town of approximately 8000 people able to see though the large glass windows. 

This is an example of NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Idyllic? Sure. Practical? Noway. 

Water: Must have domestic hot water aka a water hose doesn't count. Must have safe method of sewage disposal (no chamber pots) and a continuous safe supply of water for drinking etc. They also prefer that you not have a well. They would rather the property be connected to a public system to ensure standards are regulated. 

Heating:  "Must be adequate for healthful and comfortable living conditions" If you have a wood burning stove, there has to be other means of heating your home to maintain a minimum temperature of 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Solar panels? HUD has regulations for that. Basically? You have to have a back up plan so your kids don't lose toes.

Electrical/Plumbling: No fire hazards. Everything must be useable and have some life left to them. There will be no getting VA approval if everything in your 1940's built home is original issue... if it even works.

Roof: No leaks. Also... something that surprised me was, they want it to be economical to maintain.

Consumer reports did an article on the best roofing options. Good stuff.

If the roof has to be replaced and there are three or more layers of shingles, the seller has to remove all of the old shingles first. 

Crawl Space/Ventilation/ Drainage: There has to be access that doesn't have any debris it has to be properly vented. The floor joists have to be high enough to provide enough room for someone to work on it if need be. The inspector will look for ponds of water under the house or excessive dampness. If he finds any, the seller has to fix it before the purchase can commence.  Gradation of the property and natural ventilation in both the attic and the crawlspace/ basement must be adequate enough to prevent excess moisture buildup aka mold and overall damage to the structural quality of the home.  Here are some examples of what to look for:

Mold damage

Puddles

Sagging floor joists

No No's: Termites, defective construction, poor workmanship, evidence of continuing settlement, leaks, puddles where puddles should not be and overall decay. Nothing hazardous to health of the buyer or to the structural soundness of the overall dwelling (MOLD)

And the biggie in most older homes... 

Lead Based Paint: Has to be tested to insure that the levels of lead aren't above those permitted by law. No chipping, cracking or overall defective properties. If this exists... the seller will HAVE to get it removed through an extensive process which can be a pain in the butt. 

We don't think any of these things will be an issue in our new home. (Whew!!) If they were, I'm not sure we'd want the home anyway. Some minor electrical issues, or small scale leaks are easily and affordably fixed. Structural damage and overall poor construction isn't.

 It may seem like a hassle, but if you're eligible for VA Financing and the home you're wanting to purchase meets the requirements or close enough, give it a try. It can almost take the place of a home inspector if you're willing to take the risk. 

When buying using a Fannie Mae mortgage, this is NOT the case. Get a home inspector. Do not forgo this. You will regret it. A lot of structural damage isn't visible to the untrained eye. Even your realtor misses things. Do not buy your home and subject your family to the misery of an inadequate housing situation. 

So what now? Well.. paperwork. We'll have a closing date soon.  I'll keep you posted :)

The Good the Bad and the.... What in the Heck?

Looked at a few houses today and decided to make an offer.

Before I tell you about the one we chose, I have to tell you about the ones we didn't.... because where's the fun in getting the good stuff first? 

So we saw the two homes in High Point. The first I already showed you, the second.... looked like this:

  

Check out that wallpaper. Circa 1950

Cute right?? It's a foreclosure. 70k downtown High Point... Cute neighborhood. Then we saw this:

That's right folks. It says DO NOT ENTER. Talk about a selling deterrent.  At 70k we felt that with the work that was going to be needed, it wasn't a good investment. If we had about 50k extra, it would have been great. 

Our realtor is from Winston. She is GREAT. Viola player for the Greensboro symphony. Totally eclectic. Totally cute. If you like suits... Maureen Michels is not for you. I like genuine people that are a little bit messy.. and she's perfect. A artsy dreamer with a realistic side. I think those make the best realtors. If you're moving to the Winston area shoot her an email at mmichels77@gmail.com or call her at 336-577-9245. 

Maureen knows the Winston area well and drove us around showing us home in some more "up and coming" neighborhoods. This usually means, semi ghetto with low crime. A few other homes in the area have usually been purchased by upper middle class families with vision. One home was in progress. A man was remodeling it with the intention of eventually selling. 70k with 3 bedrooms, adorable crown moulding.... but it's not finished yet. Sad face.

Finally Sink Street. A home we found on Realtor.com  4 bedrooms. 1 bath upstairs, one in the basement. The basement had a large workshop, a laundry room and bath with shower as well as what could be turned into a small loft-style apartment. 

  

(Left to right: "Apartment space" Bathroom and Laundry Room)

The bedrooms were huge and storage was everywhere. Complete with real wood paneling, the "den" had a build in desk and gas logs. Built in's everywhere. Andy.. was in love. 

Best part? The basement. Worst part? The neighborhood. Section 8 housing two homes down and across the street. The home directly across the street was currently housing approximately 10 people. Essentially? Sketchy-town. 

So? What did we decide? 

We saw 507 Derry St.  this morning at 9am. It was love at first analysis. 

Three bedrooms technically. There is a possibility for a fourth. Built in 1910. 

                        

(Left to Right: Upstairs bath with access to very large attic space, Upstairs BR, Massive Laundry Room)

(Left to Right: Fenced in backyard w/shed, Large kitchen--all that you see with that ugly floor is kitchen. It's much deeper than it looks, Staircase <3)

(Left to Right: Cary.. praying we buy the house... in the Living Room complete with built in and double sided fireplace, Dining room aka the other side of the double sided fireplace. Also with built-in. Can you say double sided gas logs?)

A bit of a story is tied to this house. We called John McCormick (Seller's Realtor- Great guy- See link for contact info if you'd like it) last week with the intention of seeing the home. He told the seller but there was a tenant inside and we couldn't get more images until Friday. John called me Thursday confirming an appointment for this morning and made mention that there had already been an offer. The seller is an investor with the desire for a family to purchase the home, not another investor. Because we had scheduled an appointment, the seller decided to hold off on accepting any offers until after we had seen it. That immediately gave me some serious respect for the man. 

It worked in his favor. We decided not to lowball him. The house is in great condition. HVAC is seven years old and the roof is two years old. Electrical work is up code. New plumbing. Bathrooms have been totally redone. 

Listing price is 49,900. We offered 49k and asked that he pay half of closing costs. 

His realtor believes that he will accept so essentially, we're waiting on the VA inspectors to tell us they will give us a loan for the house. We made a note that if the repairs required by the VA weren't too substantial, we would consider a counter offer that considered the cost of the repairs.

Ok. Now it's time for a nap.

Coming Soon... A Day of Searches

Andy and I stayed up until 2 am... We're meeting the realtor at 9 for a day of house searching. 

I do not feel very smart. As a matter of fact I feel as if my eyeballs may be severing themselves from within my eye sockets. No biggie. 

Wish us luck. 6 houses. 2 in High Point and the rest in Winston. Augie is staying with Andy's parents. 

I received a few images via text messages from the sellers realtor at 507 Denny St. in High Point. 

Yes ladies and gents. In the photo above that is in fact HVAC. At a move in ready whopping 42k it's the first home on the agenda. 

More to follow.

Have a great Saturday everyone. 

Wants vs. Needs

Today... I made a list of homes from realtor.com to email to my realtor. 

Each home included the pro's and con's and why we're interested.

As flexible as we are you'd think it would be a big list but I'm not trying to drag my poor boys around the Triad all day Saturday so I got down to the nitty gritty. Thanks to our pint sized budget, I was able to condense the list to 3-4 homes. 

If you're not quite sure exactly what you're looking for in a home, Money Under 30 has made a nice checklist to help you get organized. 

A few things to think about when making your "must haves" list:
This is mostly for those looking for lower cost housing and does not include the basics like foundations, roofing and siding.

* If you don't already have kids, does the mortgage payment allow one spouse to eventually stay at home? With children come expenses and many mothers, once having children choose to step down from their 9-5's in order to be more hands on parents. I've known a few moms who were so upset because they stuck working due to budgetary restraints and I've known a few who celebrated the idea of going back to work. Your decision. If the mortgage is low enough, great! Sure, maybe the spouse will eventually go back to work but that will make finances even better when their income is entirely surplus.

*The suggested amount of time to live in a home prior to selling is 3-5 years. Do you plan on having more kids in that time? Can they share a room? Sure that adorable two bedroom cottage is 45k and in awesome condition but when your three year old is middle of the night potty training and your infant is trying to sleep, will it really be enough?

*open space- do you entertain often? Is there anyway you can fit your entire book group in that 10x12 room? How about your kitchen? If it's just two of you and apartment style kitchen may be what you need. In our case, my extended family alone (grandparents, uncles aunts and cousins) totals over 30 people. If we had an apartment style kitchen, Thanksgiving at our place would definitely be a no go. 

*bathrooms- We have found that many inexpensive homes have 1 bathroom. I have four kids and two have them have the tendency to be perfectly fine one moment and then someone is about to wet their pants the next. We need more than one bathroom. We'd like 2.5 baths but we'll settle for two toilets. 

*heating and cooling- For those of you in Surry County, Central AC just isn't a way of life. Many of the rental homes don't include it here. Window units, ceiling fans and a wood stove may be enough for you. If not, you'll want to check for available ductwork. On average, homes without previously existing ductwork can cost upwards of 7-10k to add it and that's if you have attic/basement crawl spaces. We've been in homes that had neither. We were told it would cost almost 15k to install. Ouch.

*windows and doors- Even if you don't necessarily need central, keep an eye on the windows and doors. In our current home, we use special curtains to cover the windows specifically in the winter because if we didn't our heating bill would be $300. Insufficient windows don't have to make or break a home purchase. Caulking and other forms of insulation can be used for short term fixes but eventually you'll need to replace them. At 150$ each on average, you'll want to think about that when you're buying your home.

So I made my list. I also included my "must have"'s in my email to the realtor. Many realtors are a wealth of information. If you are a first time home buyer I suggest getting a realtor.  They know a lot about the home buying process and many times the buyer needs someone to be on their side. A sellers realtor isn't allowed to disclose many things and having your own can help you avoid mishaps.

We're going to see the houses on Saturday. I can't wait!


In order to be as prepared as possible I went to my handy dandy Pinterest account and typed in things like "home buying" and I found a ton of different resources. A few that I found particularly interesting were these home buying checklists. If you're looking for a home, I suggest bringing one along. They help remind you to check for the important stuff.

Homes.com has a printable PDF 
I love this kind of thing. If it were up to me, we'd buy the first house I thought was "preeettyyy".

Homesforsaleinlascruces.com has a much more detailed assessment.
It includes schools, zoning etc. Very helpful if you have a lot of different choices and appreciate hard copies for note taking purposes. 

Buying A Home With the Future In Mind

We want a home that we can pay off in under 30 years. 

Take your current age. Now add 30. Do you still want to be paying a mortgage at that age? If so... disregard. But if not this post is for you. We're not delusional, we won't be getting social security. At 65/55 Andy and I want to have our home paid off. I want to be one of those old hippie grandma's that cooks like old school Paula Dean, and spoils her grandkids. I don't want to be stressing about finances. I'm sure we'll both be working still but I'd like flexibility. You don't have flexibility when you're house poor.

I love the Navy Federal Mortgage Calculator. It tells you your approximate monthly payment based on interest rate and the number of years your mortgage lasts. No escrow*** included. With a 50k loan, for 15 years at 4.5% interest (average) our monthly payment would be 382.50. Now this information you can get with most online mortgage calculators but what I like about Navy Federal is their calculator tells you how much interest you will pay based on the number of years you finance for. When I initially plugged in our information, I used a 30 year mortgage. I noticed that 30 years nearly doubled my purchase price. I actually ended up paying 98k+. That's 48 thousand dollars in interest alone! If you can afford a 15 year mortgage, do it. If you can't, a 30 year won't kill you. You have options. Many people who get 30 year mortgages take advantage of the low monthly payment and double it a few times a year when they get extra cash.

According to MSN Money, adding an extra $50 to your mortgage payment can help you pay it off 2.5 years early. Adding $100 can help you pay it off 4.5 years early. Getting an inexpensive home with low monthly payments enables some to double the payments and pay it off in closer to 10 years!

Not all of us can double payments every month but many of us can add that extra $50.

Paying your home off early sticks it to the man. Less time paying for a home= Less interest paid. 

It is easy to try and purchase the home that is closest to your maximum spending limit. There is something to be said for not having to suffer with pink kitchen countertops for months while you renovate your home but in many cases, buying a less expensive home is best. Life is full of surprises and buying below budget provides added financial security.

**Escrow is a form of bank account that is paid into throughout the year by the home owner in order to cover yearly taxes and insurance. Because it is added to your monthly mortgage, many home owners choose to pay these themselves without the help of the lender. The benefit of an escrow account is it helps to avoid tax liens and foreclosure in the event that one forgets or is not able to pay their taxes by spreading them out over the entire year. Estimate your yearly home owners insurance by dividing the total cost of your home by 1,000 and multiplying that number by $3.50. Property taxes vary by location and are usually a percentage multiplied by the tax value of your home.

A Few Resources:

5 Tricks For Lowering Your Property Taxes

Figuring Escrows - Complex. Not for the feint of heart.

Many inexpensive homes are distressed properties. 

Some good advice for those interested in pursuing that route

Balance

To buy or to rent? Is that the real question? Or is it a bit more complex than that?

The New York Times created an interactive chart to help those of us who are moderate on the issue. To find out, you plug in the stats for your potential home purchase and it tells you how long you need to live in your purchased home to make it more fiscally efficient than renting.

In our case, for a home around 52k at a personal property tax rate of approximately .67 it is more efficient to purchase as long as we stay in it for 2 years. Obviously the longer you plan on living in the area, the more efficient buying becomes, but this helps you compare if you don't plan on living in the same area for 20 years.

With the purchase of a home comes a lot of stress. Andy and I are currently trying to balance the trepidation that comes with commitment to a 30 year mortgage, the financial responsibilities, planning and research that exists within any home purchase. Life doesn't stop just because you're buying a home.

"If you speak in tongues of angels but have not loved it is only a resounding noise"
Stress has a way of taking over. Fear of not having enough drives us to work long hours and some forgo stable home lives to sustain their ideal standard of living. Whether or not you read the bible, the quote above is tested and proven circumspect. Westernized culture values accomplishment and the chattels that come with it above a steadfast family unit. Daddy can work 80 hrs/week as long as I get to drive my Lexus. This is not to demean hard working fathers who, in order to make ends meet, work long hours, but to say that "needs" are relative.

We know that to purchase a home will be fiscally beneficial for us. We plan to stay in the Triad long term and establish a "homestead" of sorts but as the Beatles say, "She's so heavy...". Some couples need less one-on-one time than Andy and I, but we find it imperative when trying to maintain our busy lifestyle. Due to financial strains, we're having to make sacrifices in that area and this morning I began to wonder, "At what cost?" Everyone needs a break and Andy has already begun showing signs of wear. I react to his anxiety with forms of my own. As a blended family created from the ruins of two divorces, we've made strides to correct where we fell short before, in every aspect of our relationship. In order to create a bit more balance, we've agreed to set a limit on overtime despite financial needs. One day out of the week is sacred.

In my 25 years, I've seen the illusion of the american dream taking its toll on my family, my friends and society. In the 90's and prior to the burst of the housing bubble, the 40 hour work week and making the median income was a sufficient backbone for many people. Families in 2013 have to walk the tightrope created by the economic downturn while balancing personal growth and the development of their children. In my experience, the breadwinner in the family takes this walk the most severely which can result in emotional, physical, mental and for some spiritual fallout. Marriages crash and burn at a rate of 50% in the U.S. and the number of high school students who can read at or above proficient has been declining steadily for years.

I throw these statistics out there to say that not maintaining symmetry in a society that likes to blur the line between needs and excess can effect you and your family long term. Personally, I find it difficult to see where homosexual marriage is the true culprit when it comes to the "destruction of marriage". I would argue that the lack of willingness to part with materialism, and self-fulfillment being placed before the wellness of one's family seems more accurate. Most humans, no matter how grounded, can only take but so much.

Balance is imperative for overall health. I know this post got long,  so I'll stop blabbing now but if you're interested in actively creating more balance in your life, I found a useful "How to" by Wikihow. I think I will be implementing some of these ideas in our lives. The answer to my initial question seems to be, with or without the financial statistics, do what's best for YOUR family. Only you know what that is.

Mommy's New to Town

Andy is working over time this weekend so I'm drinking my Earl Grey, and listening to Elmo's sing along entertain my two kids while I get used to being awake. Our next door neighbors Jason and Della came over last night and I had one too many glasses of wine while we played Ticket to Ride after the kids went to bed. Caffeine please.

I was thinking this morning about a conversation I had a while back with someone who said that when he and his wife moved to a Virginia, she had the hardest time assimilating and meeting new people. Many folks meet people at the gym. Although I like Yoga, I'm not really a 'gym person'.

Not me. At all... although her legs are great! *takes another bite of 2000 calorie bagel*

Many NAVY wives who move a lot have resources for this but since we all can't be NAVY wives (You guys are so awesome), sites like Meetup.com exist. 

Knowing that I'd be moving to the area in the next few months, I joined the site and met a group of mom's with kids Augie's age. We recently went on a nice stroller walk and talk. You're not going to "click" with everyone you meet but at least you're getting out there. Editor and publisher of Hip Mama, Ariel Gore said, "I've never been socially outgoing, but I suspect I've gotten more and more ambivalent about making new friends. I'm irritated by how-do-you-do chit-chat but that's how new relationships usually begin." Some have a hard time with the chit-chat. I tend to get too personal too quick. "So how was your relationship with your father?" Don't judge me.


When you're looking at perspective homes, a good site to check out is Great Schools. If you do research, everyone says that hands on homeschooling is the best option. Not all of us are quite there yet.  Some of us work full time and me? Well... I wish I had that ability. I would probably even consider it if my kids weren't social butterflies like me. Haddie's learning style specifically is more attuned to a school setting. Augie might do ok. I have a few years to decide. So for those of us who send our kids to public school, you have resources! If you have a specific school in mind, you can type in the name of the school and see reviews from parents who currently or have recently had children enrolled. If you're new to the area like myself, typing in the zip code and widening the radius a bit helped. I was able to see reading and math testing scores and my favorite part is that the ratings are based on the opinions of other parents.

When we were considering the Winston Salem area as an option I typed in "Winston Salem Mom's" into my google search and came up with a list of websites specifically for mom's in the area. There are similar resources in the Southside, Peninsula, and the Tri-Cities area (Richmond). A specific site I found incredibly helpful for our move to the Triad (WS, Greensboro, High Point) was Triad Mom's on Main. It has a myriad of resources at one's disposal. If you're interested in the area I suggest checking it out.

Bottom line? If you're moving to a new area, you don't have to rely on fate to bring you friendly neighbors and decent co-workers. As a post-partum sufferer myself, I know it's tempting but don't just sit around at home and be lonely. You have options.

The kids and our friend Mary at Jamestown Settlement in Williamsburg, Va. Kept the kids entertained for quite a while. *Two thumbs  up*

The Complexity of the 203k loan....

East Bend is a no go. 

In addition to the images I posted on my Facebook the home was in a state of disrepair that had our lender bracing himself. He politely informed Andy that the only way we'd get a loan for that house would be to try for a 203k Rehab Loan or owner financing. 

The link above is to the HUD (Housing and Urban development) website if you'd like more information than what this blog provides. It explains the process of 203k loans in great detail.

After one is pre-approved for a loan, and an offer is agreed upon, he or she hires a housing inspector to make sure after the key is in hand, the evil roof monster isn't going to come and punch a hole in the roof... or a tree... or just a nice thunderstorm. This confirms the buyer's interest in purchasing the home. 

When the buyer is indeed ready to progress in the home buying process, the Lender (bank, Quicken Loans, Wells Fargo etc.) sends out an appraiser at the cost of the homebuyer to study neighborhood statistics and compare home prices in the area as well as study the home and come up with an overall resale value (appraisal). The bank will only loan you up to the total appraisal value. If you're paying less than the appraisal value for the home, you have what is call equity. If the home is in a state of disrepair, the future home owner would have the ability to take out what is called a home equity loan in order to fund the repairs.

When the home is purchased at the appraisal value (aka no equity) many homeowners choose to apply for a rehab loan to try and raise the value of the home. To do the repairs and sell at the new appraised value is what is called flipping a house. Many investors will use personal funds for these repair but the average home buyer won't have an extra 30 grand laying around. If you do... kudos. If you don't... I'm pretty sure you're not unusual. 

The normal 203k loans are the closest thing to a bank babysitting your repairs you can get. This process is not for a handyman, unless you're a certified contractor. Before the bank will even approve your loan, they send a representative to create a list of mandatory repairs and other desired changes (See Eligible Improvements and Required improvements in the HUD article) the home owner would like to have done. After they guarantee that they are willing to give you a loan by affirming that the repairs don't exceed your budget, a contractor must be hired to do each repair. The bank has to approve it and has to write a check for each repair for the contractor. 

203K loans require a 3.5% downpayment on the total loan. Example: Your home costs 40k... and needs 30k in repairs. The total required downpayment is $2450... which is 3.5% of 70k. 

According to the HUD website there is something called a Streamline 203k loan that can enable to the handyman to do his own repairs but it limits what you can do with it. HUD has created these limitations so that Average Joe cannot take out 30k in rehabilitation money, never improve the value of his home, and instead pull a Charlie Sheen complete with prostitutes and cocaine binge. 

We may consider a streamline 203k loan in the event that we find a home that isn't in need of severe repairs. This is a great idea for a handy, first time home buying couple that want low mortgage payments and the ability to create their own space. It allows creativity and would be a fun project. If you're not so handy, it may be easier to buy a home where all you have to do is paint the walls the color you want and pay that 30k-50k extra. Less risk involved that way. 

The owners of East Bend (an estate sale) offered owner financing but the more we negotiated the messier it got. As a first time homebuyer myself, I would prefer a clean transaction. The more contractual and definitive the relationship the better. So goodbye 2400 square feet.... and good riddance.

King, Tax Liens, and the one that got away....

Another home in our search for accommodations was 116 Hartgrove Rd. in King, North Carolina. Although on Realtor.com it is listed as having four bedrooms, it actually had five and that was just upstairs. There was also a room downstairs that could have been a master bedroom.





Despite an obvious need for a bush hog, 61k for 2.7 acres with a pond at the back sounded ideal. Central air or at least the duct work was already present in the home. Two full sized bathrooms with the possibility for a half bath upstairs had us imagining furniture placement. We saw this house on the same day as Jonestown. Yeah.

The house is being sold by a company called Econohomes which sells homes under duress due to tax liens and other encumbrances. For more on tax liens go here. I found this site pretty informative. Essentially whoever owns this home has not paid their taxes in a while so the government took it away. In order for us to attain the home, we would have to pay said taxes and then hope and pray we can get title insurance. This was a bit messy for us but many folks are successful with their home purchases. According to one of the wisest men on the planet, Ed Castle (aka my grandfather), the most important part of buying a home with existent encumbrances is to get a really good real estate lawyer to cover your own.... well you know. Also, until those liens are paid, you don't get your title/deed. So the government could just come and take what is now your house at any time. Not cool bro.

Andy and I discussed this process and decided that it wasn't for us. It is much too difficult because of how far we currently live from the area.

If you would like to purchase a home with a title lien here's a few things you should have on hand:
-a trustworthy real estate lawyer- CYA people! If you're planning on staying in the Surry County area,  a few of the local lawyers would do just fine and are rather inexpensive. I personally would head over to Williamsburg and find someone there. Preferences.

-a decent amount of cash. Econohomes expects 10% down payment to reserve the home and if you finance through them. 1k down if you get other financing.  Plus you will want to cover the tax liens asap.

- a talented and detailed home inspector. Most of these homes have been sitting a while even before Econohomes got them. You want to make sure that something isn't going to surprise you a year from closing. Despite the cost, no one likes to drop 10 grand on a new roof without a bit of warning.

- a trustworthy contractor or your own (legit-- not delusional) handy man skills. Most of these homes are in varying states of disrepair and unless you are driven enough to get a 203k loan, you'll need some minor abilities. In every home we have looked at there has been a need to replace carpet, redo kitchen cabinets, minor (or major) electrical work, plumbing... you name it. You're getting a cheap house for a reason.

- Calculator: Is the cost of repairs/ taxes/ lawyers etc going to cost you more than buying a home in better shape with no tax liens? Most of the time, unless you have the aforementioned cash on hand and handyman skills... yes. Yes it will. No one likes to watch their "investment" turn into a fiery money tornado destroying their checkbook... and believe me.. if you're not careful it will.

and last but certainly not least- curiosity- Educate yourself! As as many questions as you can. I cannot stress this enough. The real estate lawyer can help but only you can know your limitations. Why is this house so cheap? Find out. Location. Schools. Neighborhood. Crime rates. Structural. All of these things in one way or another effect your appraisal when trying to sell again later. You can walk away. Let someone else with more patience or less preparedness get sucked into that mess. You don't need it.

Exploration

We tend to find houses on Cherry street. For example: Moldy Jonestown House. two floors and a basement that includes small one bedroom apartment. When walked in the front door Sunday morning, after throwing our kids in the car with packages of Pop-tarts and water bottles, we were pleasantly surprised to see something completely different than 413 Cherry which I blogged about on my Facebook. 

The walls were artfully painted a myriad of oranges, yellows, greens overlapping one another. This caused me to exhale the breath I had been holding. I wish I'd held it. "Finally.." I thought. Until I got upstairs. Behind a peeling piece of the hideous wallpaper starting at the stairwell and making it's way throughout the entirety of the upstairs hallway... I saw tiny black speckles.  At my persistence, Andy peeled it back a bit more to reveal even more speckles. That pit in my stomach started coming back.. but it was just a little mold upstairs right? Old wall paper? Something? Not so my dear friends. 

The children enjoy running throughout each house we visit and "claiming" bedrooms and in this case, clearing out any cobwebs. (yessssss....) Moments after Andy and I began to descend the stairs, Cole came running towards us telling us to come to the basement. Augie spit up all over my shirt,  Andy pulled out his flashlight and away we went. 

There was a small wet spot and minor mold build up near the water heater which I assume has a small leak.. but nothing major. After a few moments of the children talking very loudly we forcefully suggested they to go back upstairs and "explore" the back yard. The house is on almost an acre up on a cliff with a pretty decent view of the mountains while also overlooking Jonestown and Elkin. The back yard was over grown but we figured they didn't mind. As we analyzed the mold situation, we heard shouts from outside which, if you're a parent you know is never a good thing. In this case it was. The kids had found an entrance at the back of the house to a small one bedroom basement apartment. Complete with bathroom, kitchen and a hideous pile of white nasty mold in the center of the living room carpet. I immediately screeched, "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!!" and mentally began my plans to dunk each child in a vat of antibacterial hand sanitizer. Andy began ushering the kids out of the basement and we both began calculating the cost of such repairs. 

His parents are getting older and Andy and I are assuming that soon we'll have need for extra space for them to stay with us. The idea of an apartment on the bottom floor with a concrete porch and space for a ramp to easily be build was appealing. I soon learned how unappealing the reality actually was. I spoke to the next door neighbor, a polite gentleman with salt and pepper hair and a local from his accent. He told me that his best friend had rented the downstairs apartment from the previous owner and it had severe issues with water leakage (no kidding!) and possibly some electrical issues. I did some research on our way to see another house (not even worth posting about) and asked a few questions on Facebook and it was decided. This house wasn't going to work for us. Even at 39k.... the cost of repairs would be significantly beyond our budget. NEXT!

Stone Mountain State Park... Approximately 15-20 minutes from Jonestown, NC.