Took a pregnancy test about a month ago.
It said I was not pregnant and so, somewhat relieved, I continued to live life as usual.
Andy and I were in the shower the other night. (showering pervs... we can catch up on life and get clean at the same time) I was washing my hair when Andy said, "Babe?"
The bottom of the shower was a dark red. It was everywhere.
I hadn't had much pain because I had a random tooth pulled the other day.. you know.. happens to everyone right?... and have been taking prescription pain medication as needed.
I didn't carry this creation to 39 weeks like my sweet, heartbroken, cousin Rachael.
I didn't hug and kiss Andy over a plus sign on a urine stained piece of plastic.
I didn't want anymore children. I'm rather selfish like that. I want some "me" time.
Why am I so disconcerted?
I think it is because I can feel Andy holding my hand as I'm pushing,
whispering in my ear how beautiful I am.
I can see diapers and snuggles and tiny fingers.
I smell baby skin and feel its softness against my cheek.
I can feel the warmth in my heart, meeting the eyes of a new human.
Feeling them against my chest, it's almost as if their energy is flowing into my body.
We are one, but we're separate.
Andy and Eric took the kids to the Parade so I could rest.
I think I'm going to take a nap before this family night and dream of sweet babies.
No comments:
Post a Comment