Inside my fortress of sand,
the waves come in at their own command.
Inside my fortress of wood,
The waves wear away all that is good.
Inside my fortress of metal,
The waves rust and eventually I crumble.
Inside my fortress of stone
all is fine, but I'm all alone.
- Me
" I hate Sundays. Sundays mean I am heart broken. I have to leave you on those days." - My daughter.
Two and a half years ago we moved to North Carolina and brought my daughter with us.
Two years ago I had a tubal pregnancy and had to have it removed.
The resulting hormonal upset in combination with living with my in-laws, trying to raise two children and mourn another, trying to go to school full time ended in me taking four days and checking into the hospital. The next few months of medications and diagnosis resulted in a PMDD diagnosis but not before daughter went back to live with her dad. We both wanted stability for her.
The result was a serious walloping to my self-esteem. This spurred me to make myself someone my daughter could respect, not resent when she starts asking questions as a teenager. The last two years have been filled with growth, stability and a better job.
Two and a half years ago we moved to North Carolina and brought my daughter with us.
Two years ago I had a tubal pregnancy and had to have it removed.
The resulting hormonal upset in combination with living with my in-laws, trying to raise two children and mourn another, trying to go to school full time ended in me taking four days and checking into the hospital. The next few months of medications and diagnosis resulted in a PMDD diagnosis but not before daughter went back to live with her dad. We both wanted stability for her.
The result was a serious walloping to my self-esteem. This spurred me to make myself someone my daughter could respect, not resent when she starts asking questions as a teenager. The last two years have been filled with growth, stability and a better job.
I've been working really hard lately. I begged for a promotion at work and busted my butt when it became available. I was determined to show that I'm capable of being the person I want to be.
I talked to her this afternoon and she was beautiful and confident and preoccupied with her life. I couldn't help wishing I knew her little friends and could hear her stories after school. She wanted to stay with her dad for a birthday party at a friend's house.
I guess my point is, I miss my baby but I'm glad she is happy.
I just had to get that into the universe.
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