Humble Salve On An Open Wound...

“Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

So I've been thinking. This isn't uncommon. 

As a matter of fact, Andy was watching a television show where the female lead's boyfriend shouted,"There you go! Analyzing everything. Every tiny little detail... can't you just stop over thinking it?" 

He turned to me and smiled, "That sounds like you..."

I've been thinking about the divide between the Christian and the Non-Christian community, one which I seem to walk a strange line between.  

As a faithful, repentant, flawed, but fearful for my soul, church attendee for 20+ years I am writing this based on my own experiences. I understand that we as humans were created very diverse. So when we read the Bible or discuss society, our understanding may not be the same, but this isn't about our understanding of the Bible, the way our pastor preaches or the way our women dress. 

This is about how we treat other humans. 

I was born white,  and raised middle class,  and predominantly church going.

 No sex before marriage. No smoking, no drugs.. 

but yeah Mom and Dad did like their Rock-n-Roll. 

They raised my brother and I to the best of their abilities. Like all humans, they had flaws and yes, we now have dings and scratches of our own.. but they love us and to me, that's what matters. I sang on the worship team and I tried and tried to connect with this God. I wanted to make sure that everyone around me was convinced of my spirituality... when I had no idea what spirituality meant. I simply knew, that if I didn't get it figured out soon, I'd be screwed. 

Like burning in hell, my whole life would be crap and I'd be miserable for all eternity. 

I slept with my boyfriend when I was 18. Were speculators narrating this they may say that this was when Sarah's "Christian Walk" went down hill. We got married because, how could we continue in this sin? This abomination. We had a few crazy years. I had daddy issues and he just wanted to be a teenage boy. We got married before we knew what being alive meant. How could we value the life of another? Haddie came and around a year after, he privately asked me for a divorce, which I readily agreed to. 

In the last almost 4 years, I have come full circle back to this thing called Christianity. 

A walk that we are each taking. 

A walk is such a beautiful thought isn't it? 

When I go on a walk I breathe in through my nose and analyze the colors and the trees.

 I immerse myself in my surroundings. 

I could just walk, and walk, and walk.

Isn't that what this is supposed to be about?

 Isn't there supposed to be a peace that passes understanding? 

Aren't we supposed to be full of joy and love? 

Then why do we sit around and complain?

It's miserable this, constant critiquing on ones self. "I am nothing..."

You are something. You are a human. A miracle. That single cell connected with your father's single cell in the uterus and created YOU. Living, breathing, thinking, feeling, YOU.

We complain about the government (but hey.. I think both sides are beginning to do that...)

Complain about society, how it just keeps getting worse and worse. 

How we all "just can't wait until Jesus comes back."

I'll fly away oh glory, I'll fly away in the morning. When I die Hallelujah by and by.. 

I'll fly away.

If you're so focused on heaven, doesn't it defeat the purpose of even existing on Earth?

Oh wait, life is actually Mario Bros' and our purpose is to pick up as many gold coins (conversions) before the timer runs out. These gold coins will be used to build our mansions in our golden heavenly suburbs.

Need groceries? Use something else because the value of gold is going to drop dramatically. 

Sure we're all human, but shouldn't the majority of what comes out of our mouths be enlightened? Full of excitement and love?

Look! Look at this life I am living! I am so very satisfied. 

Instead we spend our days fixing people.

 "Did you hear about Susanne? She changed her Facebook status from "Married" to "It's Complicated". Do you think we should invite her to our woman's bible study?"

No. Please don't.

 Well yes, you can but do it after privately asking her to coffee, where you let her build her trust in you. Establish a relationship and a few weeks later after she has explained her marital frustrations maybe invite her. Or suggest a kind counselor you know. Or just send her flowers one day. Find something cute on amazon and text it to her. 

Do not, and I mean do NOT criticize her lack of willingness to attend church when things get heavy. Go to her home. Help her lift her burden. Be what you say you are. Like Christ. The man who took the hand of the prostitute, prostrate on the ground in front of him and smiled at her. In a country where men reign supreme, he made her feel alive, human. 

Didn't Jesus say that he, "Came to bring life and life more abundantly," and aren't we supposed to be the body of Christ? The physical embodiment of "life more abundantly"?

This walk isn't about racking up gold coins. 

Streets of purity sound much more attractive to me anymore.

Sure, an escape from my inner ache sounds like such a relief but I get that I'm here to make others feel whole and when I do, I feel less achy and a little closer to heaven. 

The divide between humanity's "good" and "evil" is not nearly as stark as we seem to think it is. You are not "better" than the man who fell prey to drugs,

prey...

 he was allured by an available release to the steam-like pain that has bottled up inside of him

.

Sin is sin. The sin the evangelical church is so passionate about, homosexuality, is just as sinful as when you lost your patience with your child this morning and hurt their feelings.

You got lucky. Do you hear me? Lucky.

Nothing you have done in your life has put you where you are now. 

Chance. Christians like Michael W. Smith have their children accidentally hit by a car. 

God could have stopped that. 

Do you think Michael must have not read and obeyed the Bible in a while? NO!

There is no magical obedience, success formula for this.

Humanity's flaws make life suck but we have to carry on. 

We are supposed to be the salve on an open wound. 

I'm convinced that Christians don't have to "convert" anyone. 

We still sin, which makes us a sinner and if our sin is just as bad as their sin...

we don't have to change anyone. We just have to be humble and open.

Beautifully broken.

Simply love the Lord your God with all of our heart soul and mind...

and love our neighbors like we love ourselves.