'Merica.... the Land of the Not So Brave.

We're a society of control freaks, we Americans.. 

Some have fathers who push them out of the chair at the dinner table for getting a "B" on their report cards... Born with a sense of right and wrong like most humans, they take on the world... trying to define it. Black and white encompasses everything... leaving no room for grey. 

Some have mothers who have a bipolar episode in front of an entire church and leave them scared of confrontation... always searching for something secure. 

Some have husbands who cheat. 

There are women do everything in their power to try to make him happy hoping to make sure he doesn't cheat again, which does nothing but destroy their own identity.... and others nail his balls to the ground and find a more fiscally responsible man to protect their interests. Neither ever really finds happiness.

Some have wives who ignore them, making them feel ugly and unwanted.

 Many cope by finding a younger,  more carefree female who..

 inevitably does the same thing a few years later...

Some are rape victims. Looking into the face of their rapist daily. 

Coping by proving the world wrong. 

We use our intelligence to give us worth. If we're smart enough, we can get a good job, make tons of money and never have to stress about finances anymore. 

We use our looks. If I'm pretty enough, or put enough effort into my hair today, that man who is looking to ensure his own place on the planet will like me.. and take care of me. 

We're all unsure. We're all searching. Some say we've been found.. but more often than not.. we know it's not really true. We all say we know... but do we? Or all we all hoping we know?

Life is like a boat driving above huge schools of fish and dropping hundreds of small rocks right on top of them. Some of the rocks are large enough to hurt.. some not...but they all send the fish scurrying. Brothers, Mothers, Mates.. all running into or over one another.. everyone so consumed with their own tiny rock, that the stone that hit their friend isn't seen. 

Life sucks... my Uncle John, my mom's brother-in-law always says that if aliens did exist, they'd avoid earth like the plague. He thinks that if they're really out there... they all use us as an example of what not to do... and honestly.. who could blame them? Me? I'm hoping those aliens come and decide to relieve some of us. If you're reading this and decide you want to suck out my brain for scientific study.... put me to sleep first. Honestly, all you'll find is dysfunction. 

I told Andy today that the older I get, the more of a purist I become but I don't think that's the truth. I think the older I get, the more I want to define the chaos. I appreciate the grey less and less and scramble for more black and white. The problem is, nothing and no one has that luxury. We're all dysfunctional. The idea that anyone has a perfect life has us all deluded into the idea that we deserve one too. 

I don't know quite what to do with this...

because I feel I deserve one too...

karma should exist.

Life should give me what's mine already.

I'm tired of taking the b.s. 

I'm ready for the relief from reality.....

but it's not coming folks. 

Idealism would say that humanity will pull itself together,
 but that will take humans choosing to take a hit once and a while from a falling stone... to make sure their fellow humans were able to keep swimming. Unfortunately... that means taking that stone and letting it fall to the ground. It means taking the hand of the person next to you and moving forward. 

The way to cope with tragedy... is to move forward... always move forward.